Then, when he was in kindergarten, another mom brought some for a party game.
I was completely unaware up until this point that most kindergartners could handle chewing gum without a problem. I assumed that they were all as much a menace to society with it as my own and was sure this woman who brought in 20 pieces of gum had lost her mind! I jumped in, desperately attempting to assuage the bloodbath of stickiness that was sure to ensue.
“You must keep your gum IN your mouth everyone! If you don’t, you will have to spit it in the trash,” I warned, feeling all superior to this silly woman who brought gum for a bunch of six-year-olds.
Well, prepare to see me humbled!
Not one child removed gum from his or her mouth. Not one, except for mine. And yeah, I picked that battle. I told him he did not get to play anymore because he was making a mess with his gum and had to throw it away. Of course, he ignored me, walked away and then looked back at me while stringing it out of his mouth again. I tried to grab for it a couple of times, and he continued to taunt me with it. I did not want to make a scene, but for some reason, I felt the need to save face and win, so I pretended to let it go and casually got close enough to him, pried open his jaw, and snatched the gum from his mouth, nearly losing a finger in the process. I was on the school’s sub list at the time, and his teacher later said she had been thinking about asking me to sub, but after the party thought maybe that wouldn’t be best. Yeah, no kidding lady. But hey, at least we didn’t have to shave his head at the end of the day!
A few years ago, I subbed frequently for a preschool class with a very sweet little boy who displayed a much different personality when his mom showed up for a party. I just wanted to go hug her and say, “I am so glad to find someone else whose kid turns into a hideous beast when she shows up!”
I am the mother of seven children ranging from teens to a toddler, living out in the middle of nowhere, USA. I aim to hone the craft of giving advice without pretending to have this whole mom thing figured out. I am Christian, but not the really nice kind that is good at it. I am also conservative, but I promise not to be in your face with political agendas very often. I like to infuse humor into my writing, so don't freak out if you are offended or appalled by what you read here. There is a very fine line between serious advice and sarcastic hyperbole.